Life Update, mental health, writing?

Hey guys!

Oops, it's been a year since my last update. Life took over, after my last post.

I've been really enjoying work, and have some super exciting updates for you!

First big update is that I'm going to be an aunty! Yes, my darling sister and her boyfriend are expecting a little baby. We have the gender reveal party in a month, and we are all very excited to find out if it's a boy or a girl. I've already knitted a little hat for baby, and am busy with a second one now! They've already picked names for the baby, but I think that's staying a family secret until the baby is actually born. Currently 16 weeks down! It seems to be flying by so quickly. Only 24ish weeks to go.

Second update is that my little brother moved out of home. That was pretty sad to see him go. He moved in with friends, a five minute drive from mum and dad's but it still felt far away, because we weren't seeing him every day anymore. I think it hit mum and dad a bit hard to see their baby boy moving out. But I have been making an effort to catch up with him as often as I can, which is nice. We also still have our weekly family dinner, which is really nice.

Third update is that I moved out too! A couple months ago my friend asked me if I'd like to go flatting, and I said yes! I'd built up some savings, had basically everything I needed for a house, and now we just had to find a place. It didn't take too long, and before we knew it, we were applying for a newly renovated apartment near town. A couple days later we got the call that we had been successful. There were some finer details to sort out, but the place was ours! We were so excited.

Then came the craziness of packing up. I did some serious decluttering, getting rid of clothes, shoes, general rubbish. Everything else was neatly packed into boxes, waiting for the big day...7 July 2018.

It's such a lovely little place. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, and an open plan kitchen/dining/living. We've got a sunny balcony, insulation in the ceiling and everything is brand new - and still smells like it too.

Everything seems to be working really well, which is great. We are both at work every day, so we really only see each other in the evening, which is a good balance. We go grocery shopping together but buy and cook separately. Sunday is our shared dinner night, where one of us cooks for both of us, and we watch a movie or TV show.

I think mum and dad are struggling a bit with having an empty nest now. Last time I moved out, my brother was still living at home, but now there are no kids. Tali and Moxy are still there though. Our apartment doesn't allow pets, so Tali had to stay with mum and dad, and I also couldn't bear the thought of separating her and Moxy, even if our apartment did allow pets.

Something I finally started talking about, a few months ago, is my mental health! I confided in a friend about it, and then spoke to my mum. It's something I was really embarrassed about, and wasn't quite sure how to deal with it, so I stayed quiet. I was scared of what people would say, worried I'd be told it was all in my head and to get over it, worried about being judged and told I was just looking for attention. But I finally got sick of listening to my own crazy thoughts going around and around in my head. After making a huge life decision (which sadly failed), I wanted to open up about my mental health. Everything surrounding this decision I'd made, made me really anxious and more aware of my depression, and I knew I had to tell someone. I was really emotionally invested in this decision, and it was scary and exciting, but at the same time it made me realize that my mental health had to come first, and my plans had to be put on hold for at least a few more years.

When I moved out, I suddenly became even more aware of my mental health. I was supposed to be happy and excited about moving into this new apartment, starting a new chapter in my life, but I was actually miserable. My first night in the apartment was on 7 July 2018 (a Friday). I cried every single night, and woke up with a headache and puffy eyes (concealer was my best friend). It was getting exhausting crying so much, and I couldn't stop myself, no matter how hard I tried. I told myself to stop being so stupid and grow up, and wiped away my tears, only for a fresh set to spill out. I tried finding a distraction - funny movies, knitting, sorting my room, eating a yummy treat, listening to music. Nothing helped. Even the silence of hiding in my room (which I did a lot) drove me crazy.

I decided to search the internet for ways to deal with this. I knew it was depression and anxiety doing this to me, but I didn't know what I was so anxious about. Flat life was going well, I was settling into a routine and felt good. Finally something jumped out at me: Vitamin B12! I knew from previous blood tests that my levels were low, but I'd been rather slack about sorting it out. Further research into Vitamin B12 told me some people found it beneficial for mental health, so I decided it couldn't hurt to try it. Another thing I found was 5-HTP tablets, which are good for people with anxiety, depression, insomnia...this sounded like me. I ordered a bottle.

They arrived within a few days, and I was eager to see if these would help. A quick read of the bottles told me that it was best to take 5-HTP before bed, on an empty stomach, and B12 at mealtimes. I decided I would take the B12 at breakfast. I picked up my tablets from mum and dad's, at our first family dinner since I'd moved out. That night when I got back home, I cried. I opened the 5-HTP bottle and took one of the tablets. I settled into bed with a YouTube video and my knitting. Had the best sleep ever! I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and happy. I don't know if this stuff can work this fast, but let me tell you, I was feeling amazing. I headed off for my shower, got ready for work and took my B12 with a yoghurt. It was such a good day. I didn't sit at my work desk with a tissue hidden in my hand, to wipe away tears. They don't recommend long-term use so from next weekend I have to take a break, but I'm just so relieved that it's helped me. I wish I hadn't known about it sooner, but the crazy thing about mental health is that you just never know how it will strike.

I'm not sure how these tablets worked, but all I know is that I feel like a different person! I was trying to avoid going on antidepressants, and was happy I found something else to help me out.

That was a huge block of text, hopefully you made it through all that. Quick PSA: if you feel like this at all, it's important to open up to someone you trust - like a friend, a parents or even a doctor if you need to! Look at all your options. Don't suffer in silence.

Thank you for reading. Hope you're all having a wonderful life.

Until next time!

Aletia xo